Well...I just signed up for this service and thought I would post a blog because of the way I feel and the primary reason that I went ahead and signed up here.
This is my first Christmas without the "grouch"...it's the nicest thing I can say about him really, and it was weird to say the least. I have spent the last 9 Christmas' with him and the last 3 with he and my daughter. It was tough getting all the decorations up by myself (had to have a 8' tree!) and then just thinking that more...
Well...I just signed up for this service and thought I would post a blog because of the way I feel and the primary reason that I went ahead and signed up here.
This is my first Christmas without the "grouch"...it's the nicest thing I can say about him really, and it was weird to say the least. I have spent the last 9 Christmas' with him and the last 3 with he and my daughter. It was tough getting all the decorations up by myself (had to have a 8' tree!) and then just thinking that I would be up all night trying to get Santa things done, but it was actually very nice.
Christmas Eve my girl wanted to watch Rudolf (for the 100th time!) and as we were curled up on the sofa under a blanket watching, she fell asleep. I let her sleep a little while and carried her up to bed at 9ish. All the presents were wrapped, so it was just a matter of getting them all under the tree and being ready for the morning.
I was in bed at 10:30 and slept well (which is very unusual for me) and we got up at 8 and had a very peaceful, relaxed Christmas morning.
The 'grouch' eventually called (was suppose to let me know what he wanted to do about Christmas the Saturday before, but I had not heard from him) and said that he wanted to pick her up that night. So we spent the day with my family and opened yet more presents, and finally come home about 5 PM. I missed her that night, but knew that she was enjoying her limited time with her Daddy...so it was okay.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any tips for this emotional ride I have been on for about a week now? I spent the next few days a wreck and crying at the drop of a hat....I guess it's normal, but I need to stop blaming myself for his attitude and lack of interest in our home and family. I need help with this!
Hi Hope! thanks for your kind words and the encouragement. I get very angry at times over the way things happened with me and my ex....I blame him mostly for our problems. I know some of it is my fault, I'm a very stubborn, very independent woman, so the more grouchy he is with me, the more nasty I get. It's a vicious cycle!
I guess I realize that even though it's really difficult (even more so now that I fell on the ice and fractured my elbow!...man what a crappy week last week!) to take ca more...
Hi Hope! thanks for your kind words and the encouragement. I get very angry at times over the way things happened with me and my ex....I blame him mostly for our problems. I know some of it is my fault, I'm a very stubborn, very independent woman, so the more grouchy he is with me, the more nasty I get. It's a vicious cycle!
I guess I realize that even though it's really difficult (even more so now that I fell on the ice and fractured my elbow!...man what a crappy week last week!) to take care of my daughter by myself all the time, it's still semi-peaceful with not having to deal with the grouch all the time.
Sounds like you have been through some rough stuff too. I hate it that life can't just be ...not really simple, because it's just not, but cohesive I guess, that what's important to me, is also important to him, and vice versa. Maybe I chose all the wrong person?
I do have some good news though! I passed the PHR exam (Professional in Human Resources through the Society for Human Resource Management) and the company I work for has been really good to me this year and I've decided to just go ahead and move closer to work. With that, I think I have found a house that is only 12 miles from where I work and I think I can get a great deal on it! It's actually a nice home. Just going to have to trust that the ex pays the mortgage payment on the house I live in now...that's going to be hard for me. I've found that I just don't trust people like I used to....used to be the type of person that trusted everyone until they gave me a reason not to. Anyway, I should hear something by about Wednesday next week. :o) My girl is all excited about decorating her new room!
Had to tell something good! Seems like all I do on here is gripe!!
As for your post on greed & hunger Hope...you are so right. There is so much to blame on the government. I was talking to one of my co-workers the other day about how the day care that I've been taking my daughter to has a deal that pays for the care for someone who can't afford it. Now, I can't stand lazy people, but sometimes people get laid off from work and then they wind up losing their homes and their cars and they just can't get a break. I decided that those people may actually recover if they got that break. I just wished that there was something more that I could do. I can't really do anything financially, so I am planning on volunteering somewhere...maybe the shelter for women or something. I have to be really careful about things like that though, I get so dang connected to people and I just grieve with them when things happen to them...it has a major effect on me.
Anyway...hope everyone has a super weekend! less...
Okay....so having a day today...my daughter is wearing me out! Mommy, mommy, mommy, can you help me (with things that she can do all by herself), I want, I want....you get the picture.
This is SO difficult for me, having a full time job that is requiring a lot of my time right now (not always this way but now it is), having a big house that the grouch just left everything here (took only PART of his clothes and his computer, left everything else, and having to try to cook, clean, do laundry a more...
Okay....so having a day today...my daughter is wearing me out! Mommy, mommy, mommy, can you help me (with things that she can do all by herself), I want, I want....you get the picture.
This is SO difficult for me, having a full time job that is requiring a lot of my time right now (not always this way but now it is), having a big house that the grouch just left everything here (took only PART of his clothes and his computer, left everything else, and having to try to cook, clean, do laundry and keep my sanity. Does anyone have any tips for making this easier?
I swear I have so many toys in the house that I can't even get one room straight. I'm just so overwhelmed at this point that I don't even know where to begin. I guess that's my biggest issue right now, is that I feel like I have no control over anything in my life.
I can't clean out the things here in the house that belong to him, because eventually he wants to take the house back. Says that he can't get it refinanced at this time.....mostly because he has been in charge of the finances up to about March and he has us maxed out on the mortgage AND he's not very dilligent about paying bills on time. this was the 'straw that broke...' coming home one night in March to a house with no electric and it was about 30 degrees outside...he of course was not here and could not be reached. Tough to explain to a 2 year old and try to find the electric bill in the dark to call them, especially when she is under your feet saying that she's scared.
Anyway, I can't move because my name's on the mortgage, he can't get it refinanced, so he can't take the house back. I work in another city, which makes my commute about an hour with dropping off my daughter on the way and would really like to be closer to work, especially now that I know what the plan is for me (got a nice raise on Friday and was listed in the succession plan!) I don't want to do anything to this house to make it mine...because I am not staying here...but can't make a move to do anything at this point. Very frusterated.
And I get even more frusterated when he breezes in about every 6 weeks and wants to spend time with his child, and WILL not let me know any more than about 24 hours before he wants to come get her. Of course, I let her go every time, even though it makes me scramble to get thing together for her to go, because she loves her daddy. This is the only time I get a break...if you can call it a break really, when she's gone I try to do the thing that I can't get done while she is here.
Wow....I'm just one ticked off girl aren't I?! Everyone keeps saying that it gets easier and I guess it has but dang....I'm tired. less...
Oh, and I was on here most all week last week and signed up for the gold deal and didn't really get any responses or see many people that had signed in for a month or longer........now I can't email anyone! Figures! :}
Wow Infantry Man...you do have a lot of responsibility. I know how hard it is to get one child up in the morning and get her dressed and ready to go, AND get me ready to go....then I have an hour commute to work and home every day, because I leave her with my parents every day, while I work....it's by choice, and it's the best thing for her.
I know that I am better off without him....I didn't even like the person I was with him. I'm not sure how someone can be away from someone else all day more...
Wow Infantry Man...you do have a lot of responsibility. I know how hard it is to get one child up in the morning and get her dressed and ready to go, AND get me ready to go....then I have an hour commute to work and home every day, because I leave her with my parents every day, while I work....it's by choice, and it's the best thing for her.
I know that I am better off without him....I didn't even like the person I was with him. I'm not sure how someone can be away from someone else all day long, then come home and have NOTHING to say....just flips me out.
I'm okay most days....some days not. I have been asking myself a lot lately what "I" have done...but it's not me...there's so much more there that tells me that it's not me and I have to remind myself daily that I didn't do this, I just 'stopped the bleeding' so to speak.
G-Man you sound like a professional and yes, I've talked to a professional. The marriage counselor that we talked to told him that he had totally disconnected from his home and his family and that it was a problem....it fell on deaf ears.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments....they really do help!
Its tough to get use to, my first few months after we seperated were hard, I took the kids and all the responsiblity which made it even harder. Its just a process that you have to go thru before you know how you should feel about it. We have been seperated for about 5 years now and when she acts retarted I just blow it off because that the reaction I got accustom to. The first few holidays will feel strange but the sooner you realize you are probably so much better off the easier it will get.
My hope is the Cowboys continue to lose! Sorry. Cheesehead here.
Separation from your mate is tough that's for sure. It's a complete grieving process just like a death in the family yet it takes longer to end because the person didn't die AND if you have kids the grieving includes and involves them. SORRY for your loss!
So there's guilt, denial, anger and definitely depression. You NEED to talk about your feelings - a bunch! And get alone time to sort out and experience all the pai more...
My hope is the Cowboys continue to lose! Sorry. Cheesehead here.
Separation from your mate is tough that's for sure. It's a complete grieving process just like a death in the family yet it takes longer to end because the person didn't die AND if you have kids the grieving includes and involves them. SORRY for your loss!
So there's guilt, denial, anger and definitely depression. You NEED to talk about your feelings - a bunch! And get alone time to sort out and experience all the pain necessary so you can move on - but I'd be careful about the alone time for now. Getting healthy is the summary here.
If you want and feel comfortable - you're sure welcome to share some more of those feelings here on your blog.
Keep loving and holding your precious daughter. The most difficult part of this process is loving AND letting go at the same time! Your daughter needs you to be healthy and needs you to share your adult needs with adults not her. Even tho she'd probably love to try to help you sort out your emotions you must resist that temptation and let her be a kid--tough order I know but she and you will be better off for that.
Sorry I'm running on - maybe stuff you already know. But I like to help if possible. My thoughts are from personal exp, I'm not a professional. less...
